Chocolate vs. Shoes

Chocolate or Shoes?

Chocolate Pros: best cure for fear (see Harry Potter); good cure for bad days, too; dark is good for your health; easy to grab a candy bar when time is at a premium; Cadbury crème eggs; can be covered in candy so it won’t melt in your hands; don’t have to share it with the dogs; excellent source of cocoa, one of the major food groups; Ghiradelli dark chocolate/raspberry squares.

Chocolate Cons: so hard to stop at the one square that’s actually beneficial to health; calories, calories, calories; the truly good stuff is hard to find; children can sniff out the stash no matter where you hide it; melts in warm environments; even though cocoa comes from a plant, chocolate does not count as a vegetable.

Shoe Pros: happy feet make happy hearts; really fabulous heels inspire confidence; shoe size stays the same no matter how much weight you lose or gain; come in all colors; many styles to choose from; never need ironing; great shoes completely transform a simple jeans/sweater outfit; excellent result of retail therapy.

Shoe Cons: high heels and ballet flats are equally bad for feet; hard to store in large numbers; need to be repaired or replaced alarmingly often; a good fit is hard to find.

Verdict: Obviously chocolate shoes are not the answer.  You can’t wear something that melts, and you can’t eat something that’s been on your feet.  Choosing one or the other is impossible.  One must have both in order to be truly happy.  Luckily, shoe stores are often in malls, where one can also find Mrs. Field’s chocolate chip cookies, Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory fudge, and See’s which gives free samples.  Happy shopping!

Curing "D"eafness and Curing "d"eafness

I have never been deaf—my hearing is reasonably good (although I can’t hear the phone through my right ear, that’s easy enough to compensate for).  I, like most hearing people, was unaware there was a culture associated with  American Sign Language until I started studying the language under non-hearing professors.  Some aspects of this culture are completely foreign to me, even annoying.  For example, why can’t anything EVER start or end on time?  Other things, while different, seem charming.  Friends are greeted with warm hugs, for example.  As I learn the language, I feel more and more comfortable mingling in this unique culture.  This gives me a perspective on this culture unshared by many, neither hearing people who aren’t aware of its existence, nor non-hearing who grew up immersed in it.

A friend asked me if there should be a cure for Deafness, and I had to think about it.  There are two questions here, and I’m not sure even my friend recognized the second, hidden question.

Should there be a cure for deafness?  Well, obviously there should.  It would be lovely if we could cure age-related deafness.  Grandparents should revel in the laughter of their beloved grandchildren.  People who have always found joy in music should not lose that in old age.  We should applaud efforts to cure deafness in late-deafened teens and adults, who grew up hearing and lost that sense due to accident or illness.  In a world where the technology is available, if infant and imperfect, to correct this type of hearing loss, it is silly to expect people to begin again, learning a visual language after serious illness or in extreme old age.  That’s the second question.

The first question, and the one I believe my friend meant to ask, is whether there should be a cure for Deafness.  The capital “D” indicates a cultural affiliation.  In some ways, it’s like asking if there should be a cure for Italian-ness or BibleBeltNess.  No one needs to be cured of their cultural identity.  Differences should be celebrated and embraced, cultures shared and communication facilitated by mutual good humor and patience.

There is technology available now that can offer a semblance of hearing, if it works, and if the patient is willing to do the work to learn to use it.  It is by no means perfect, nor does it work in all cases.  The viral video everyone saw of a woman hearing her children’s voices for the first time was staged—it doesn’t actually work that way.  This technology, called a cochlear implant, is the first prosthetic device that replaces one of the human senses. 

I will probably offend all of my Deaf friends and most of my hearing friends when I say this research should be continued, and this technology should be improved, and should be used.  Until it is closer to perfect, I do not believe children should be implanted unless the child has no residual hearing at all, in either ear, and perhaps also has poor vision. 

Should there be a cure for deafness?  My answer is a resounding, “Yes.”  Should there be a cure for Deafness?  My answer is a qualified, “Maybe.” 

Guest Blogger: Marcus

 Marcus wrote this in 2008.  It's still funny, and relevant, today.

Your cash is gone

Your grades have bombed

Can’t trim your nails nor mow your lawn

Your eyes are red

You look half dead

Never remember what you said

Seem hella old

Can’t breathe in cold

Holy crap, Kid, you smell like mold

Get beat by thugs

Food tastes like bugs

So next time just say no to drugs

Confessions

• I hate doing dishes.
• Somehow, kids moving out does not result in fewer dirty dishes.
• There are usually dirty dishes in my sink.
• Sometimes I dislike being a cat owner.
• Anyone want a big, white cat?
• No, really, do you want a cat?
• I don't miss having small children.
• I don't miss active parenting.
• I love my child free home.
• I still spoil my grandchildren, though.
• Grandchildren go home at the end of the day.
• I'm writing this while sitting in class.
• The lecture today is about sex (it's a marriage class).
• I'm bored.
• Does that mean I'm really old?
• Or that my professor is really dull?
• I love urban fantasy novels.
• They have no literary value whatsoever.
• I tell people I love Hemingway and Steinbeck so I sound smart.
• I'm addicted to caffeine.
• That's not a confession, just a statement.
• I'm heartily sick of reading books by Harlan Lane.
• Someone please write a different book about Deaf culture that my professors can assign.
• I successfully took up an entire class period confessing.

Sex Education: Where and When?

Sex education is so backward in this state.  We pass laws about what the schools can and can’t teach.  We spend countless hours discussing whose values should be taught in schools.  We say schools can choose, based on the community values where they live, whether human sexuality will be taught in schools.  None of this makes any sense.  Here’s a thought: why don’t we, as parents, teach human sexuality at home?  Then you can pass on correct information and your own values about sex and ethical, moral behavior.  A subject as fraught with emotion as sex cannot possibly be taught effectively in a classroom with twenty or more students.  A subject as prone to promoting embarrassment as curiosity should be taught in a more private setting, where questions and concerns can be addressed without having to admit in front of peers that they don’t know everything.  The home seems ideally suited to teaching sex, morality, contraception, ethics, etc.

In my home, we taught human sexuality in all its aspects.  My kids understood from a very young age that any question would be answered.  A couple times (mid-grocery store, for example) I put off answering until the setting was more appropriate, but then I made certain I brought up the question again.  We talked about contraceptives of all sorts, human behavior, emotions, morals, and the basic biology about where babies come from.  We talked about the values of my family and my religion.  We talked about other values or standards of behavior.  We talked and talked and talked. 

There were a few vitally important points:

1)      Don’t have sex with people you aren’t married to.  It’s not just pre-marital sex I wanted the kids to avoid, but any extra-marital sex, even after they were married.

2)      Sex is supposed to feel good.  That’s how the species survives.  That’s what binds husbands and wives together.  That’s also what makes it so tempting, and why you have to be so careful about maintaining your moral boundaries.

3)      You can die from extra-marital sex.  Protected sex makes it safer, but it is not safe.  Again, you can die from extra-marital sex.  Okay, okay, not from sex itself, but the risk of deadly diseases transmitted by sex is very real.

My kids grew up, made a few mistakes in life, tested all sorts of boundaries, and came out of adolescence pretty well.  Nobody got pregnant, nobody died, nobody caught any STDs.  Trouble of all sorts was brought to me for advice and help, because we had established a relationship where any topic, even the tough ones, even the embarrassing ones, could be discussed.

I would contend that schools cannot be nearly that effective, no matter what curriculum they use.  A two-week unit on human sexuality can never replace a lifetime of conversation between parent and child.  I am not suggesting schools stop teaching human sexuality at all, because not every parent will teach, and it must be taught somewhere.  I am suggesting that you get to your kids first, they hear it from you first, and they learn that the real information and education happens at home.

Politics That Scare Me

1. Hearing either the Legislative branch or Executive branch of the Federal government vow to block anything and everything the other proposes.  This is not thoughtful government trying to make things better for the nation.  This is a power struggle that reminds me of two dogs peeing in each other's yards.

2. Extreme conservativism looks very much like fascism.  Extreme liberalism looks very much like socialism.  Fascism and socialism look very much alike.

3. People who only vote in Presidential elections.  In truth, Congress can overturn any decision the President makes with a 2/3 majority vote.  The President can never overturn anything decided by such a super-majority in Congress.  Your local leaders affect your community more than the Federal government.  Too many people don't even know who represents them, let alone thoughtfully vote for them.

4. The party not currently in power always wants to choose a Presidential candidate based on who can take out the incumbent, not based on who would be best for the country.

5. Refusal on the part of elected officials to work cooperatively with anyone from another political party.  Working together is the only way to be the "best we can be."

6. Anything that looks or sounds like a threat of violence toward anyone else: showing a map of opponents sited in crosshairs; threatening violence, even in jest, over restaurant locations (yes, this actually happened right here in Utah); shooting politicians in malls; etc.

7. Anyone who assumes that I agree or disagree, based on any of the items here, with any of the comments that are bound to be posted below or on Facebook.  (Okay, this is not so much scary as it is a disclaimer.  I still won't admit on the internet who I vote for.)

Modesty Principles: Good or Evil?

Appearance is not the most important attribute a young woman has.  She will be beautiful to those who love her regardless of her similarity (or lack thereof) to the models in magazines.  She must be encouraged to cultivate knowledge, artistic talent, dignity and grace.  She must learn that she is an important member of her community, that she has something to contribute, and that she has an obligation to make that contribution.  She should learn to change a tire, cook a meal, soothe a crying child, and replace a faulty light switch.

In all of this, she must also be taught that her body can do amazing things, and is not something to be ashamed of.  She must learn to take care of the marvelous machine she has been given, to keep it as healthy as possible.  Her body is not perfect (no one’s is), but she can learn to value the strengths rather than dwell on the shortcomings.    She must learn to eat well, exercise, sleep enough.  She must learn to protect her skin from the ravages of sun and wind, to protect herself from germs, and to protect her self-image from the onslaught of airbrushed photographs she sees every day. 

Respect for herself and her own body may inspire her to modesty.  She may need guidance to learn what styles are appropriate in different settings.  She must learn that modern society does not allow nudity in public, and there are certain limits in dress that cannot be crossed without incurring repercussions from society or the law.  The principle of modesty is not moot, even in our forgiving society.

While we teach modesty and respect for her body, we must be careful not to make her feel responsible for the thoughts or behavior of boys.  Young men are naturally interested in her changing body, and may be inclined to stare at any parts of her they can see.  This is not her fault or her responsibility.  Men can learn to control their eyes and minds; certainly they can control their behavior.  An affront to her morality, violent or more subtle, is never her fault, and she must not feel guilt over the bad behavior of anyone else.

In practical terms, what does this mean for your daughters?

Perhaps it means that respect for herself and a desire to please her God influences her choice of clothing.  Perhaps it means she learns not to offend the standards of the household while she is still living in her parents’ home.  Perhaps it also means she learns that yoga pants are acceptable in a yoga class, but not at church.  Swimsuits are appropriate at the beach, but not at dinner.  Overt sexuality in dress and demeanor send a message to others that she may not wish to send. 

Our daughters are not responsible for the behavior of our sons, but they are responsible for their own behavior.  Learning to be modest does not have to mean learning that her body is only a temptation to evil.  Teaching modesty should not be about helping boys behave.  Teaching modesty should be about helping her become the woman she wants to be, her best self, whoever that turns out to be.