Confessions are part of life for devout Catholics
the world over. The opportunity to
confess and repent, in order to obtain forgiveness, is a blessing for the deeply
religious Catholic. Catholic priests in
Washington, D.C. hear confessions, or what passes for confession in that great
city of America.
“In the name of the
Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen” (Taylor) .
“Bless
me, Father, for sins have been committed.
It has been one election cycle since my last confession.”
“What
sins have you committed, my son?”
“Oh,
I can neither confirm nor deny that it was me caught in sin, Father. But it is possible some things were taken out
of context, or twisted to further the cause of my opponent.
“Funds
have been misappropriated, or rather, misplaced. There is money that cannot be accounted for
in any public records. I have no
knowledge of where these funds came from, nor can I say where they currently
are. My opponent believes it is my
responsibility to keep track of my campaign funds, but I’m a busy man. I cannot be responsible for the actions of
others who act without my knowledge.”
“I
see. Go on.”
“Sexual
relations have been had with an intern in the oval office. Again, I can neither confirm nor deny this
act, but there is no proof that I was in my office that day. Anyway, by my definition of the phrase, there
were no sexual relations of any kind in the oval office, then or any other day. That woman is not known to me, and I have no
recollection of her ever being in my office.”
“You
have no recollection of a pretty woman who worked for you?”
“She
may or may not have worked for me, Father, but I have no recollection of her
being in my office at any time.”
“Go
on, my son.”
“Some
records have been destroyed, without my participation or knowledge. The destruction of the records was ordered,
but I am not a crook. I was not in the
building at the time the records were destroyed. Criminal acts were documented in the
destroyed records, but I have no knowledge of those activities.”
“Of
course you don’t. Go on, please.”
“It
was suggested that FEMA be disbanded, leaving victims of natural disasters
stranded. Sandy destroyed the upper
Eastern coastal cities, and FEMA will move in their aid. After this disaster, FEMA may be discontinued
due to political climate and financial concerns. My concern, of course, is only with the
people who are suffering in the aftermath of the storm. Those reporters had no right to ask me about early
campaign rhetoric in the face of all that suffering.”
“So
you think the reporters sinned?”
“Yes,
Father. Compassion was not shown.
“Please
grant absolution and forgiveness for the sins that have been committed.”
“Please, my son, pray for
the souls of any who may have sinned, with or without your knowledge.”
“O
my God, I am sorry if You have been offended.
Wrongs have been chosen, and good has gone undone. I firmly intend, with Your help, to avoid
getting caught in sin. Our Savior
suffered and died for us. In His name,
have mercy on those who need mercy.”
“God
the Father of Mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has
brought forgiveness of sin to the world.
Through the ministry of the Church, I grant pardon and absolution to
those who have sinned in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the
Holy Spirit, Amen” (Taylor) .
“Thank
you, Father. May I count on your support
this November?”
Bibliography
Archdiocese of Washington. Cathedral of St.
Matthew the Apostle. 2007. 1 November 2012.
Taylor. Catholicteenapologetics. 24 May 2012.
1 November 2012.
