In Defense of Retailers

This is the busiest time of year for us. Most of us love our jobs; retail can be a lot of fun. Most of us love the crowds and the excitement and the chaos of the holiday season, and we certainly love our paychecks. This is not a bad thing. You wouldn’t work if it weren’t for your paycheck, either. But there are some things the rest of you should understand about us:

You are the reason we are away from our families. If you walk into the store at the exact moment it opens on Black Friday, or Thanksgiving, please understand that we have been here, away from our family celebrations, for two hours already, getting ready for you. You probably brought someone you love with you, but we don’t have that luxury. We are alone on a family holiday, and if you refused to shop on Thanksgiving, we would not be here. An extra measure of kindness and appreciation for what we are doing will take no extra time and will make you our favorite customer of the day. You have no idea what a precious commodity a friendly customer is.

We are working long hours on our feet on cement floors. If we are lucky, we may find 15 minutes to swallow our lunch whole, but we have learned not to expect that. We want to help you find the perfect gift, because we understand how important that is (we have families, too, you see, and we want to find the perfect gift for them, just like you). We will do our very best. If you understand that we are exhausted and hungry, and treat us with care and consideration, we will love you, and thank whatever deity we hold holy for you.

We say “Happy Holidays” not because we are trying to be politically correct, and certainly not because we are trying to offend anyone. We say “Happy Holidays” because we don’t know you, or your religious beliefs, and we are working very hard to be inclusive. We will not be offended if you respond with “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukah” or “Salubrious Solstice” or whatever you like, as long as you say it with politeness and good cheer. Remember, you don’t know us, either. We may not celebrate the same holiday you do. Our diversity is part of what keeps our world interesting. Greet us pleasantly, both coming in and leaving our stores, and you will be one of the bright spots in our holiday, special for your rarity.

All of this is very simple. Say “Please” when you ask us for something. Say “Thank you” when we do our best to help you. Be patient when we have sold out of something, and let us suggest alternatives. Understand that we are not CEOs (they are all hiding in their nice, safe offices because they aren’t as brave as we are) and don’t really have control over our company policies. Remember that we are real people with real feelings that can really be hurt, not emotionless robots.

Happy Holidays

Actual quote: “Don’t tell me I have to say ‘Happy Holidays’ so I don’t offend anyone . . . I will ‘Merry Christmas’ the crap out of you.”

Another actual quote: “I don’t care who I offend. I’m saying ‘Merry Christmas’ this year.”

And another: “I prefer ‘Merry Christmas,’ even if you don’t like it.”

Well, how very Christian, insisting on being mean to people in the name of Christianity. Let’s definitely stomp all over a friendly, well-meant holiday greeting like “Happy holidays” to show everyone how happy we are to celebrate the birth of the Savior of mankind. Let’s use another traditional greeting like “Merry Christmas” not to wish people well, but to point out to them how wrong they are for not choosing the same words that we do. Certainly let’s jump down each other’s throats so everyone knows we welcome God into our lives and homes. Let’s be aggressive in our personal choice of greetings, and not take into account other people’s intentions or feelings. What a marvelous missionary effort that is, sure to change lives and hearts. Soon everyone in the world will want to join in the crusade to slam Christian greetings into every heart by force.

Or better yet, let’s not. Instead, let’s allow the world to be a little better and kinder this holiday season. Let’s respond to friendly greetings with good cheer, with the actual intent to spread good cheer. Let’s use the holiday season to share love and joy. Let’s be grateful that someone hopes we have a happy holiday.

Use the phrase “Merry Christmas” if that’s what makes you happy, but be sure you actually mean what the words say. They literally express a wish for another person to be happy during the Christmas season. That’s a charming sentiment, just the sort of thing we want spread around at this time of year. Be careful that you don’t actually mean, “I hope you understand that I hate everyone who doesn’t think Christ is the center of December.” That sentiment is ugly, and should be eradicated in the name of really trying to live Christlike lives.

By the same token, if you prefer “Happy holidays,” please don’t be offended when I say “Merry Christmas.” I do not intend to force my religion on you. I intend to offer a friendly greeting, hoping you feel merry this holiday season. Please accept it in the spirit with which I say it. I am most likely caught up in the joy of this season, where I feel genuine gratitude for the great gift of the Son of God. I promise that if you reply with “Happy holidays” I will not be offended, and will truly appreciate your warm greeting.

Merry Christmas.

Persuasion

In most parts of the country, I am politically a little left of center.  In my own area of the country, I am a raging Socialist.  Fine.  I embrace the socialist label, if it means I typically vote Democrat.  Still, I agree with more conservative political opinion on many things, gun control among them.  American citizens have the right to own guns.  When the Constitution was written, that meant muskets and rifles.  Today there are better guns out there, and American citizens have the right to own those better guns.  Your musket would be useless against someone with a semi-automatic, and would defeat the whole purpose of the second amendment.

Still, I choose not to own a gun.  That is also my right.  The Constitution guarantees that I have the right to own a gun, but does not give me an obligation to own a gun.  I have never heard anyone suggest that I should be required by law to own a gun.  Many have suggested that they think it’s a good idea to keep a gun, but suggesting ideas is not the same thing as passing laws, and I am okay with those opinions.  We can disagree without being jerks about it.

I am puzzled, however, by some of the sloganed pictures I’ve seen in social media.  For example:

These seem to suggest that it is okay to victimize me because I vote for more liberal political candidates and choose not to own a gun.  Don’t get me wrong:  I understand these are meant to be funny.  None of my friends and neighbors who own guns have ever threatened my person or my home.  But these and other “funny” memes bother me.  When the barrel of the joke is aimed at me, it does not feel like a joke.  It feels like a threat. 

When I feel threatened, I am inclined to get out of Dodge.  I am not persuaded to change my opinion.  I would venture to guess that other slightly-left-of-center people feel the same.  If those people happen to be in favor of gun control, I would guess they will not change their minds based on feeling threatened.  These are the people whose minds and votes are open to change.  No one will change the minds of extremists on either side of the political spectrum.  It’s almost pointless to try. 

I would argue, then, that this type of humor is counter-productive at best, harmful at worst.  Persuasion is how voting works: we persuade the majority of the people to believe the way we do, and we get our way.  Threatening, even in jest, is the exact opposite of persuasion.  Of course I want to take away the guns of anyone who points them at me.  We all can agree that we don’t want guns pointed at ourselves or our families.  Pointing metaphorical guns at people on social media will not persuade them to vote with you.  We should all be careful about the humor we post on Facebook and Twitter.  Even I, who am strongly in favor of the Bill of Rights, can be persuaded that your gun is dangerous if it’s pointed at me.