Sex Education: Where and When?

Sex education is so backward in this state.  We pass laws about what the schools can and can’t teach.  We spend countless hours discussing whose values should be taught in schools.  We say schools can choose, based on the community values where they live, whether human sexuality will be taught in schools.  None of this makes any sense.  Here’s a thought: why don’t we, as parents, teach human sexuality at home?  Then you can pass on correct information and your own values about sex and ethical, moral behavior.  A subject as fraught with emotion as sex cannot possibly be taught effectively in a classroom with twenty or more students.  A subject as prone to promoting embarrassment as curiosity should be taught in a more private setting, where questions and concerns can be addressed without having to admit in front of peers that they don’t know everything.  The home seems ideally suited to teaching sex, morality, contraception, ethics, etc.

In my home, we taught human sexuality in all its aspects.  My kids understood from a very young age that any question would be answered.  A couple times (mid-grocery store, for example) I put off answering until the setting was more appropriate, but then I made certain I brought up the question again.  We talked about contraceptives of all sorts, human behavior, emotions, morals, and the basic biology about where babies come from.  We talked about the values of my family and my religion.  We talked about other values or standards of behavior.  We talked and talked and talked. 

There were a few vitally important points:

1)      Don’t have sex with people you aren’t married to.  It’s not just pre-marital sex I wanted the kids to avoid, but any extra-marital sex, even after they were married.

2)      Sex is supposed to feel good.  That’s how the species survives.  That’s what binds husbands and wives together.  That’s also what makes it so tempting, and why you have to be so careful about maintaining your moral boundaries.

3)      You can die from extra-marital sex.  Protected sex makes it safer, but it is not safe.  Again, you can die from extra-marital sex.  Okay, okay, not from sex itself, but the risk of deadly diseases transmitted by sex is very real.

My kids grew up, made a few mistakes in life, tested all sorts of boundaries, and came out of adolescence pretty well.  Nobody got pregnant, nobody died, nobody caught any STDs.  Trouble of all sorts was brought to me for advice and help, because we had established a relationship where any topic, even the tough ones, even the embarrassing ones, could be discussed.

I would contend that schools cannot be nearly that effective, no matter what curriculum they use.  A two-week unit on human sexuality can never replace a lifetime of conversation between parent and child.  I am not suggesting schools stop teaching human sexuality at all, because not every parent will teach, and it must be taught somewhere.  I am suggesting that you get to your kids first, they hear it from you first, and they learn that the real information and education happens at home.