Modesty Principles: Good or Evil?

Appearance is not the most important attribute a young woman has.  She will be beautiful to those who love her regardless of her similarity (or lack thereof) to the models in magazines.  She must be encouraged to cultivate knowledge, artistic talent, dignity and grace.  She must learn that she is an important member of her community, that she has something to contribute, and that she has an obligation to make that contribution.  She should learn to change a tire, cook a meal, soothe a crying child, and replace a faulty light switch.

In all of this, she must also be taught that her body can do amazing things, and is not something to be ashamed of.  She must learn to take care of the marvelous machine she has been given, to keep it as healthy as possible.  Her body is not perfect (no one’s is), but she can learn to value the strengths rather than dwell on the shortcomings.    She must learn to eat well, exercise, sleep enough.  She must learn to protect her skin from the ravages of sun and wind, to protect herself from germs, and to protect her self-image from the onslaught of airbrushed photographs she sees every day. 

Respect for herself and her own body may inspire her to modesty.  She may need guidance to learn what styles are appropriate in different settings.  She must learn that modern society does not allow nudity in public, and there are certain limits in dress that cannot be crossed without incurring repercussions from society or the law.  The principle of modesty is not moot, even in our forgiving society.

While we teach modesty and respect for her body, we must be careful not to make her feel responsible for the thoughts or behavior of boys.  Young men are naturally interested in her changing body, and may be inclined to stare at any parts of her they can see.  This is not her fault or her responsibility.  Men can learn to control their eyes and minds; certainly they can control their behavior.  An affront to her morality, violent or more subtle, is never her fault, and she must not feel guilt over the bad behavior of anyone else.

In practical terms, what does this mean for your daughters?

Perhaps it means that respect for herself and a desire to please her God influences her choice of clothing.  Perhaps it means she learns not to offend the standards of the household while she is still living in her parents’ home.  Perhaps it also means she learns that yoga pants are acceptable in a yoga class, but not at church.  Swimsuits are appropriate at the beach, but not at dinner.  Overt sexuality in dress and demeanor send a message to others that she may not wish to send. 

Our daughters are not responsible for the behavior of our sons, but they are responsible for their own behavior.  Learning to be modest does not have to mean learning that her body is only a temptation to evil.  Teaching modesty should not be about helping boys behave.  Teaching modesty should be about helping her become the woman she wants to be, her best self, whoever that turns out to be.