When the shopping is done, the presents are wrapped, the cookies are baked, and Christmas is here, what happens when you open boxes and bags with presents in them? Do you get exactly what you wanted every time? Did your mother ever wrap up socks and underwear for Christmas, that you opened in front of your obnoxious brothers? Have you ever gotten a sweater you love that just doesn’t fit? So what do you do? If you haven’t read the script, here it is, complete with stage directions and program notes, so you can take comfort in knowing you behaved perfectly even while you’re returning the sweater.
It’s easy when the gift is exactly what you wanted. Your significant other came through with the duchy and diamond tiara, for example. Your eyes open wide, then crinkle at the corners. Your mouth falls into a wide, delighted smile. You shriek, gasp, or cry with delight (depending on your personality). You hug the giver with heartfelt affection and gratitude. Later, you use, display or wear it (or live in it if the duchy has a palace) and tell everyone who gave you such a fabulous gift. Within a week, you send a note of thanks, restating all the delighted things you said when you opened the gift. You don’t need a script for this one, it all happens without you thinking about it.
But what if it’s not quite right? For example, the jeans are the wrong size, the watch battery dies in a month, or the gift card isn’t as much as you had hoped? Then what? Well, you do exactly the same thing. You convincingly smile with delight, thank profusely, offer affection, and send a thank you note within the week. You may need to practice this in the mirror so you get it right.
The difference is in what you do the next day. Under no circumstances do you let the giver know the gift missed the mark. You go online to discover where to exchange the jeans, without letting on to the giver. You take the watch to a repair shop and have them replace the battery. You spend the gift card and think nice things about the giver, even if you can’t afford the great thing you really wanted or even if you have to spend some of your own paycheck. You do not ask the giver to make the exchange, the repair, or give you more money. Feel grateful for the affection that came with the gift if you can’t quite feel grateful for the gift.
What about the truly hideous family heirloom from Great-Aunt Martha or the even more dreadful souvenir from Cousin Otto’s trip to Key West? You can’t exchange them, and you can be sure Martha and Otto will look for the objet d’art whenever they visit you. These sorts of gifts must be accepted with the same delight as the tiara, and they must be displayed in your home. The guest bathroom, the laundry room shelf or the back bedroom closet will do, and you can pull them out to the piano when you are expecting a visit.
Every once in a great while, someone will give a gift that is completely inappropriate (pajamas from a young man to a young girl he’s dating) or truly offensive (bottle of wine to a recovering alcoholic). In either case, you may refuse the gift. The merely inappropriate may be refused with “Oh, I wish I could, but I just cannot accept this. How sweet of you, though.” The offensive may be refused with anything from “I’m afraid I can’t accept this” to a stiff “How dare you?” depending on the degree of offensiveness. Thank you notes are not required in these cases.
Practice looking delighted and happy, buy paper to write thank you notes on, and have a happy holiday!
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