Fashion 101 for Men

This class is designed to help the fashion challenged among the male gender.  Women, feel free to send this on to the men in your life who may need to hear this.

1.      White sneakers go with nothing but exercise wear.  Not jeans, not slacks, certainly not a suit.  If you are older than 10, buy some real shoes.  Even if your white sneakers are new enough to be white, they are almost never the right fashion choice.

2.      White athletic socks ONLY go with white sneakers, and thus, should almost never be worn.

3.      Black or brown leather sneakers, however, can be worn with jeans and casual pants if you want a casual look.  Black canvas sneakers are fine if you are still in high school.

4.      Gray and khaki do not go together.  Not now, not ever.  Stop that right now.

5.      Short sleeves have no business appearing in public with a tie.  Short sleeved shirts are not dress shirts.  White button up shirts with short sleeves should be burned immediately.

6.      Grown-ups (over 38 or so) should limit the graphic printed t-shirts in their closet to vintage concert tees from concerts they actually attended and “Worlds’ Greatest Grandpa” tees when hanging out with the grandkids.  Plain t-shirts may be worn if they are made of silk.  See Tommy Hilfiger for inspiration.

7.      Clothes should fit.  Shirt sleeves should be long enough to cover your wrist bone.  Slacks should have a slight bend in the front.  Your tailor is your friend. 

8.      Pull up your pants, buy a belt.  We have no interest in seeing your boxers or, worse yet, skin below your hips.

9.      It is simple to mix patterns.  If you wish to wear a patterned shirt with a patterned tie, simply call the most fashionable woman you know and/or her best gay friend and say, “I’d like to mix patterns,” and do whatever she or he tells you to do.

10.  Facial hair is tricky.  When in doubt, shave.  If you do have facial hair, keep it clean, brush it (yes, with a hair brush) to keep it soft and neat, trim it regularly, and have your barber do regular maintenance.

11.  While you’re at the barber anyway, ask about the hair on top of your head.  Styling products are not only for women. 

12.  Any or all of these rules can be suspended or ignored if your wife or girlfriend thinks breaking the rules is sexy.  You won’t make it into GQ, but as long as the woman in your life is attracted to you, who cares what the rest of the world thinks?